The Right Game

Being a little bit unhappy with oneself is an integral part of life. In many ways, life is a comparison game.

When I compare myself to other are doing—how successful they are at work, how well they are liked by others, how good they look, etc—I play the wrong game. It’s a game where everybody is a potential rival. I measure my worth in relation to others. If I feel inadequate, my solutions are to start resenting the others, to delude myself into thinking I’m better than I actually am, or to push myself to become someone I’m not, in order to beat someone who’s not me.

When I compare myself to my ideal state, I play the right game. Obviously, my ideal state is not defined by others when I play this game: it is inherently mine. And so the closer I get to it, the closer I get to the best possible version of me. I push myself to inch upwards. The dissatisfaction I feel becomes an engine of improvement. I have no rival, I merely have a goal.

So when I feel unhappy about myself, it’s good to stop and ask myself: Who’s my rival here? Am I playing the right game? And if I notice that I’m measuring myself to someone else, it’s time to pause and reflect.